English Language and Composition Epic Speech Why Theatre Kids Are the Worst Type of People For the past two Glacier Peak Theatre productions I have gone undercover as a crew member in which I witnessed the bizarre and unnatural behaviors of drama kids Although they appear annoying and ridiculously excessive in their movements and tonal variation in reality they are much worse I tend to consider myself a fairly normal person so walking into my first drama interest meeting was a huge jazz hand slap to the face One of the first things you notice upon entering the black box a sacred theatre temple is that everyone is piled on top of one another giving each other back rubs within this weird sexual tension filled game of Twister Why their clothes on orgy didn't make me run out of patience and the door vexes me to this very day In fact I lent a hand in the productions of The Wizard of Oz and Tarzan In a 2014 study acting students scored higher on narcissistic admiration than students of other majors and based on my own experience remains true for high school Dufner et al 19 Terribly egotistical a majority of the theatre kids are they view themselves as the second coming of Idina Menzel when in fact they are barely a Russell Crowe in the movie version of Les Mis What high school theatre productions lack in raw emotion is made up for in the abstract performance of primal human desperation when those in non lead roles mouth everyone s lines offstage Drama is full of drama
Very few join theatre to become part of the ensemble so when they are cast as such the program becomes filled with rejected narcissists that feel the need to redeem themselves by overacting and overreacting This as well as the occasional drug use leads to their inability to act naturally resulting in their infamous interaction styles Some of these include sounding like they rehearse the lines of daily conversations and another is using singing at people on the top of their nicotine laden lungs as a conversation starter They control their body with intense speed since intense speed is controlling their body What made my time as the vital lead role of lighting assistant traumatically stressful was the seriousness in which theatre kids take their musicals Once while being driven home by a theatre kid they took the soundtrack of Newsies so seriously it resulted in a fender bender which was a slight inconvenience for us as well as the angry lady sitting in her parked car This kind of theatre devotion is made rampant by the presence of the 5th Avenue Theatre For those of you that don t know a representative from 5th Ave evaluates the performance of all high school productions in Washington state and later gives awards in very specific categories such as lobby display
This is the equivalent of the Tony s for them so whenever the rumor spreads that a representative is in the audience a contagious mental breakdown passes down from one drama kid to the next Despite common belief the menacing 5th Ave is just a guy in a WalMart graphic tee watching his 30th underwhelming teen musical and wondering if anyone would notice if he slipped out during intermission Nevertheless the cast insists on aggressively performing the time step until their feet bleed through their character shoes I realize that other cliques have their irksome moments moments that make being in close proximity with them unbearable So what makes theatre kids more infuriating than all other high school subcultures The answer is simple they cherry pick the worst attributes from other groups creating a tap dancing super breed They steal their narcissism from the popular clique their fake love and acceptance from ASB kids their pretentiousness from teens who watch Tarantino films their lack of deodorant from Game Club members Despite this blatant plagiarism drama kids pride themselves on their originality I concede that there are plenty of wonderful people in the theatre department but for some reason this extra curricular draws a high concentration of people with undesirable traits Eventually their preferences and habits and lifestyle become intolerable For the past three years a theatre kid has called me by the name Rachel For the past three years my pent up anger has grown like the ego of a soprano Is it really that hard to remember my four letter name What can we do end this cycle of uncomfortable exchanges and wrongdoings The answer is obvious don t put up with it Now is the time to act and put an end their hyperactive behavior When they tell you that your name is Rachel you tell them that that your name is Alexandra Jane Kube and you won t stand for their antics any longer Works Cited Dufner Michael et al Narcissistic Tendencies Among Actors Social Psychological and Personality Science journals sagepub com doi abs 10 1177 1948550614564224 journalCode sppa
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